So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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