By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
