Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
