it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
