i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
