i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just cropdusted the office
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
