I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
