I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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