It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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