I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
