Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
