Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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