Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
