she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
