and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Randomize
