$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My life is pants optional.
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