i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
