worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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