you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
