i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
