Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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