1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
