They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
