Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
