You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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