she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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