I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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