btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
