dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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