Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
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I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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