when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
