I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
high people should be assigned attendants
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
