and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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