I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Couch. On fire.
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