I want to walk on stilts...naked
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
