But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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