GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
