i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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