I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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