remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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