im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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