He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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