just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
