i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
