Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
