i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
