she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
should my penis look like a turkey
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
