Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
