i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well I just put wine in my tea
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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