people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
