My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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