Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
