Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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