Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
