Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
