I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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