butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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