she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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