So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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