oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
