i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
