This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
