how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
