found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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