I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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