Can i not drive my cunt home
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
