some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
