Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
