Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"it" just moved
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
