Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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