there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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