i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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