I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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