i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Pooping to opera.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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