we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
MIDGETS
????
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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