Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She bit a glass in half.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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