for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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