when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
