he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
