He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
