I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
