And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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