dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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