...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
