You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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